“You have a gift.” This is something people who have worked very hard to excel in areas of their life hear from others who are impressed by their abilities. People are told they have a gift as a parent, a teacher, a speaker, a listener, a writer, a painter, a photographer, an athlete, a businessperson, a musician, a dancer, a care giver, a paramedic, nurse or doctor or any number of arenas of performance. While it is meant as a compliment to acknowledge the level the person has risen to on their journey in the pursuit of excellence and mastery, I am not sure that it is the best way to issue that compliment.
Why do I say that? Because the phrase “It’s a gift.”, implies it is something the person was given or gifted by someone else. “It’s a gift.”, does not acknowledge all the hours of work, study and preparation. It does not recognize all the ups and downs, all the stops and starts, all the iterations, the struggles, the detours, the books read, the classes taken or the mistakes made and lessons learned. It does not account for all the hours in the gym, in the classroom, tending to the sick and dying, on the practice field, in the dance studio, with a sketchbook or in front of an easel. It does not account for all the hours of writing that never made it as a blog post, an article or a book. It does not account for all the frustrations of figuring out what works and what does not as a parent, a teacher or a leader. It is outcome focused, rather than focusing on the effort and process that make up the journey of striving for excellence, greatness or mastery.
If it is a gift, it probably came unassembled, with thousands of pieces and with many of the pages missing from the instruction manual. If it is a gift, it is not a gift they received, but one they give; the gift of their time, the gift of listening, the gift of being present, the gift of helping someone else discover and grow their seeds, the gift of their art or their music, the gift of entertainment or the gift of inspiring learning.
The more I study this the more I believe these are skills not gifts. They are skills that start as seeds; seeds planted by experiences in life. Parents, teachers and coaches plant some of these seeds. The environment you grow up in both planted and influenced seeds. We all have a variety of seeds planted within us. What we do with those seeds varies drastically from person to person.
In order to grow, those seeds need to be tended to and nourished. Those seeds need sunlight and a weed free environment. Some of those seeds within us get the attention they need, get the nourishment they need in the form of reading, training, evaluation, reflection, feedback, effort, coaching, asking, listening, and doing on a continual basis. Continual growth is a result of a commitment to effort and process.
Some of those seeds in you lay dormant for years before we start to acknowledge them and grow them. Some get attention early, and then get neglected for years before we get back to them and begin to grow them. Some get ignored and continually pushed back down.
I was watching an interview with Kute Blackson who gets told all the time that he has a “gift” as a speaker. He talked about the reality that the seeds as a speaker were planted early. Growing up he listened to his father and grandfather who were both preachers and great speakers. At 8 years of age his father started having Kute speak to large audiences in his father’s churches. As a child he was continually reading spiritually based self-development books. He dreamt of being a speaker and speaking to large audiences of people sharing messages of empowerment and growth. Starting at age 11 he would sneak out of his room in the apartment they lived in behind his father’s church late at night and spent 3 to 4 hours in the empty church speaking to what he imagined as a full house of people engaged in his message. Both his environment and key people in his life planted the seeds. He had to do the work over decades however, to get the point where he is now. Even now he does not think he has arrived. He continues to put in the work, work that no one else ever sees.
I am currently reading The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp, a world-renowned dance choreographer. In a section I read yesterday she talked about the process of creating a Broadway Musical based on the music of Billy Joel. I am sure that after people experienced the performance on Broadway they told her she had a “gift”. The reality is that she had the seed of an idea. She then set about on a long and arduous journey to turn that seed into a Broadway musical. That seed of an idea was interwoven with her seeds as a dancer, choreographer, student of music, student of art, a thinker and a connector of dots. People see the end result, the Broadway Musical, and miss all the work that went into its creation.
“You have obviously worked very hard to develop your skills and abilities as a _______________ (fill in the blank). Thank you for that.” might be a more accurate compliment.
What’s Important Now? Pay attention to the seeds stirring within you, then become a gardener and commit to tending to, nourishing and growing those seeds over the course of your life. A few of those seeds may grow into a gift you can give to others.
Take care.
Brian Willis
www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com
www.winningmindtraining.com
Maximizing human potential through Life's Most Powerful Question - What's Important Now?
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