What’s Important Now? It is all about choices and trade-offs.

When answering questions about fitness and nutrition I have heard Lane Norton PhD say that there is no right or wrong, everything is a trade-off.

The below excerpt from The Great Mental Models v4: Economics and Art goes into more detail on the concept of trade-offs in life.

Life is full of trade-offs. Every choice has a cost. When you say yes to one thing, you say no to others. This is how the world works. It’s like gravity. You can’t escape it.

Opportunity cost is what you give up when you make a choice. It’s the thing you can’t have because you picked something else. Say you have a free evening. You can work on your startup or go to a movie. If you work, you miss the fun. If you go to the movie, you miss the chance to make progress. Every choice has an opportunity cost because you implicitly say no to many other things every time you say yes to something. You need to know your opportunity costs. This helps you make good trade-offs.

A trade-­off is giving up one thing to get something else. It’s choosing between options. Each has good and bad points. Trade-offs are about priorities. When you make something, you face trade-offs. If you want it fast, you might lose some features. If you want it cheap, you might use lower-quality materials.

In life, we face ­ trade-­ offs all the time. Do you take the high-paying job with long hours? Or the low-paying one with more free time? Do you spend money now or save for later?

Making good trade-­offs is about weighing the opportunity costs and benefits of each option and choosing the one that aligns best with your goals and values. It’s not always easy, but being conscious of the ­ trade-­offs you’re making can help you make better decisions.

Wisdom is anticipating the consequences of your choices. In life and business, success is about making good trade-offs. It’s not about having it all. It’s about having what matters most. We all value different things. That’s what makes life rich. Opportunity cost is what you give up when choosing; trade-offs are the balancing acts you perform when deciding between competing options. They’re two sides of the same ­ coin—whenever you make a ­trade-­off, you incur an opportunity cost for the options you didn’t choose. The key in both cases is to be thoughtful and intentional about your choices.

What’s Important Now? Life is about choices and trade-offs. Be thoughtful and intentional about your choices.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: I hope you remember.

I recently came across the following in a Daily Coach newsletter.

Hope You Don’t Forget

I hope you don’t forget why you started. I hope you don’t forget what made you say yes. Because as things get hard along the way, I hope you remember these things:

·      that moved you,

·      that made you feel so much joy,

·      that gives you purpose,

·      that made you say I want to do this. I want to do this for the rest of my life.

I hope you don’t forget.

Source: Kingie: Artist & Storyteller

While my preference is to change the words “don’t forget” to “always remember” the message is important. When I see men and women in policing, EMS, health care, or teaching who are struggling, I encourage them to remember why they started in the profession and why it was important to them to show up every day and do good work. To remember the people they are influencing and the lives they are impacting even if it is in some small way. To remember that what might seem like a ‘routine’ encounter for them, may be life changing for the person they are dealing with. To remember their purpose.

On those days when you don’t feel like working out I hope you remember why physical activity is important to you. Remember how you will feel once you get started and once you have completed another session of intentional activity. Remember your children who you want to be a positive role model for. Remember the importance to you of health span and being healthy as you progress through life.

I hope you remember why healthy eating is important to you. I hope you remember why it is important to make sleep a priority in your life.  

On those days when I am in another airport at 3:30 a.m. to catch another early morning flight, sitting on another airplane, or waking up in another hotel room, I need to remind myself of my why, my purpose. When I have people in a presentation, workshop or course who are only there because they are forced to be there and who refuse to engage and participate, I need to remind myself of my purpose and of the importance of focusing on those who are engaged and interested while giving my best to everyone in attendance.

What’s Important Now? I hope you always remember why you started, what made you say yes, and remember your purpose, because things will get hard.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Choose Yourself Without Shame

The topic of self-care came up in discussions earlier this week with Alton McCallum EdD on the topic Whole Souled Leaders, and with Adriana Johnsgaard MD FMP discussing wellness for first responders. In the Dare to Be Great Leadership workshops I give people a couple of minutes to write down their self-care rituals, the non-negotiables in their life that are about looking after themselves. Some people never write anything down. Others are done after 10 to 15 seconds and one or two would still be writing 20 minutes later if I gave them the time.  

After we talk about what is on their self-care lists, we discuss the reality that for them to best lead others, they need to be at their best and to do that they need to prioritize self-care and make sure they are healthy, or “whole” as Alton would say. I then share with the participants a quote from Katie Reed, “Self-care means giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”

Recently I came across the following from Alex Elle, which emphasizes the importance of making self-care, self-prioritization, a practice (a ritual) and not an occasionally thing.

Choosing Ourselves Without Shame

Finding our way is hard when we’re emotionally stuck in certain habits, relationships and environments.

Self-prioritization is an ongoing practice, not just about choosing ourselves in the moment.

• Each day, we must recommit to our well-being – whether through a mindful walk, a nourishing meal, or a quiet moment of reflection.

• The micro-moments matter and can turn into the big moments that shape us.

Listening to our body and mind, honor our needs, and respond to the challenges in life with compassion and care is self-love.

 Alex Elle

Elle makes an important point that we need to self-prioritize and establish self-care rituals without shame. This is not being selfish. This is understanding that to best be of service to others, we need to commit, or re-commit to our wellbeing, understanding that the micro-moments matter.

What’s Important Now? Choose yourself without shame.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: The unexpected can happen to any of us.

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”

Stephen R. Covey,

“The unexpected can happen to any of us.“ This is a line from a commercial. The commercial shows a couple walking out into the street between two parked cars. The husband has his head down looking at his phone. His wife puts an arm out to stop him from getting struck by a car driving down the street. I cannot tell you what the commercial is for because I get mad every time I see the commercial and tune out everything after that line while I rant in my hotel room, which is the only place I ever watch TV.

I get frustrated by the message “The unexpected can happen to any of us.” because it implies that potentially being struck by a car would have been a complete random event, an unpreventable accident.

If you are looking down at your phone while you walk out into traffic from between two parked cars, you should expect to get hit by a car.

If you are texting while driving, you should expect that at some point you will be involved in a crash.

If you are talking on a cell phone while driving, you should expect that at some point you will be involved in a crash.

If you continually drive in sleep deprived state, you should expect that at some point you will fall asleep at the wheel and be involved in a crash.

If you are on your phone texting or e-mailing while walking down a busy sidewalk, through a mall, through an airport and anywhere else where there are other people and obstacles you should expect that at some point you are going to trip over or walk into an obstacle or into someone else.

If you smoke, you should expect that it will shorten your life expectancy.

If you neglect your health, you should expect that at some point you will get sick and experience health issues.

What’s Important Now? We are all products of our decisions. Use W.I.N. to help guide those decisions, then take responsibilities for the decisions you make.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Wisdom From the Blues

One of the songs on my workout playlist is the blues song Dat Maybe by Tas Cru. While the song is about love and honesty in a relationship there are powerful life and leadership messages in the chorus:  

“Don’t say you will if you think you won’t. Don’t say you do if you know you don’t. Don’t give me that heh, don’t give that ho, don’t give me that maybe when your heart says no.”

The three key lessons:

1.    Be honest.

2.    Do what you say you will do. 

3.    There is some great wisdom in blues lyrics.

Don't say you will if you know you won't. If you do not have the time, if the request is not in alignment with your values and priorities, if you are not going to be able to follow through then let the other person know that up front.  That will take a lot of stress off of you, let the other person move forward or in a different direction and will preserve, and likely enhance your relationship. If you say you will, then follow through and do what you said you would do.

Don't say you do if you know you don't. Don't say you will support that person for promotion, or that you support the project or initiative if you don't. Be honest. Be helpful. Offer guidance on what areas the person needs further experience, training or development to earn your support. 

Don't say maybe if your heart says no. If your heart says no then connect your heart to your mouth and say no. Don’t string the other person along just because it is easier than saying no up front. You know you will not follow through and will just come up with some lame excuse down the line why you can’t.

“No” is a hard word for many of us to say because we want to help and we want to be seen as being positive and supportive. You can say no politely and professionally. Failure to say no when you do not have the time, energy or belief however, results in being over committed, stretched too thin, stressed out and burned out. It leaves you feeling resentful and angry. It destroys trust and relationships. 

Everything you say “yes” to means you end up saying “no” to something else, perhaps something that is ultimately more important. Some of my deepest frustrations and regrets are from saying yes, or maybe, when I should have said no.  

Say no more often. When you do say yes, do what you said you would do. And, listen to the blues more often.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: The hallmark of wisdom.

“The hallmark of wisdom is an alchemy of confidence and doubt, and knowing when to up the ante of one versus the other.”

Robert Sutton

It is not about all confidence, all the time. It is ok to have doubts. The key is to take action when you experience those doubts.

View whatever is driving the doubt as a challenge and engage in approach behaviors. Do the work to prepare and as Mitch Greene PhD would say, “Choose courage over confidence.” Have the courage to step into the doubt knowing that confidence comes from experience.  

As you gain experience from the process of choosing courage over confidence, taking action, struggling, reflecting on the struggle, learning and growing, the confidence will come. Through this journey you will develop the wisdom to know when to up the ante on confidence and when to up the ante on doubt.

What’s Important Now? It is ok to have doubts.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Knowing better is just the start.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

Maya Angelou

Ask questions, read, listen, reflect, and learn so you know better.

Knowing better, however, is just the start.

What’s Important Now? When you know better, do better. 

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Learn to do this without guilt.

The following was shared recently on The Daily Coach blog:

Rest Without Guilt

If you need to rest, rest without guilt.  

• There's so much going on in the world all of the time. Sometimes everything feels too heavy.  

• Your body will fight rest because you remember all of the people you feel are being more productive than you.  

But sometimes the most productive thing you can do is rest. Learning to take care of yourself will only make you more productive in the future. 

Source: Jacqueline Whitney, All That You Deserve

The reason this jumped out at me is because if generally suck at this, as many probably people do. Why? Partly because of the constant messages we get regarding how to achieve success in life such as:

• You have to grind it out.

• Never quit because quitters never win, and winners never quit.

• Sleep is overrated. You can sleep when you are dead.

• ·The top performers only sleep a few hours a day and make effective use of every waking hour.

• While you are resting your “competition” is putting in the work to beat you.

• We glorify people who make it through Special Operations selection in the military, but never talk about people who were unsuccessful and went on to have very successful and fulfilling lives and careers.

• While movies like Rocky may be entertaining and inspiring, they send the message that you need to be willing to sacrifice your mental and physical health to achieve success in life.

• Some in the fitness space promote the mentality that you push yourself to absolute failure in every workout if you want the best results.

For the most part social media, advertising and Hollywood fail to glorify the importance of rest and recovery. We often talk about the work ethic of the best athletes, and rarely, if ever, talk about their rest and recovery rituals. For me, I am always thinking about all the things I need to get done and feel guilty about not doing them.

We are, however, starting to see a shift. There are more people talking about the importance of sleep for health and longevity than ever before. Dan Dworkis MD PhD, an emergency room physician, author of The Emergency Mind and host of The Emergency Mind Podcast has a 4-step model to perform at your best under pressure – Prepare, Perform, Recover and Evolve. Dan talks about the importance of both micro recovery and macro recovery. Sport and Performance psychologist Alex Auerbach PhD recently wrote about the important elements of mindset, including the Recovery Mindset where you view recovery as an investment. Steve Magness is his must-read book Do Hard Things challenges us to rethink the concept of “toughness”.

There are times when you just need to suck it up and push through and get the task or project finished. If your life, however, is a constant barrage of suck it up and push through, it will come at a significant cost physically, mentally and emotionally.  

What’s Important Now? Learn to rest without guilt. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is rest.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: What are your self-care rituals?

In the two-day Dare to Be Great Leadership workshops I ask people to write down their self-care rituals. I explain that rituals are intentional and non-negotiable and self-care rituals are the nonnegotiable elements in their life focused on their physical and mental health and overall wellness. I recently heard sport and performance psychologist Jim Loehr describe a ritual as, “An intentionally acquired habit that serves the mission.” The mission, in this context, is to look after your own health and wellness so you can be most effective in leading others.

In every class there are people who would be writing for 20 minutes if I gave them that much time for the exercise. Others are done after 30 to 60 seconds and some never write anything down. For those who do write something down their lists include:

·      Exercise

·      Nutrition

·      Sleep

·      Time in nature

·      Time with family

·      Time with friends

·      Hobbies

·      Prayer

·      Meditation

·      Quiet time for themselves

·      Reading

After we discuss what is on their lists, I share the following quote from Katie Reed: “Self-Care means giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.” The purpose behind the exercise and subsequent conversation is to remind them that while we often talk about the concept that leadership is not about you, it is about the people you have the privilege to lead, coach and mentor, leadership always starts with you. For you to best be of service to others, you need to bring your best self to the table and that requires that you have self-care rituals.

Too often people in leadership positions who are striving to look after their people, neglect themselves. I share my personal example from the last 8 ½ years with the Calgary Police Service. I was committed to looking after the highly committed and extremely hard-working people in my unit, while also striving to be a good husband and father, and as a result often neglected myself. I worked thousands of hours of unpaid overtime and when I retired, I was fat and exhausted and not performing to my best in any of the roles in my life. I share this story not as a badge of honor, but as a lingering regret that I failed to understand the importance of self-care and its role in effective leadership. My hope is that they will not make the same mistakes I made.

What are your self-care rituals?

What’s Important Now? Invest in your self-care so you can give the world the best of you.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Excellence is mundane.

"Excellence is mundane. Superlative performance is really a confluence of dozens of small skills or activities, each one learned or stumbled upon, which have been carefully drilled into habit and then are fitted together in a synthesized whole. There is nothing extraordinary or superhuman in any one of those actions; only the fact that they are done consistently and correctly, and all together, produce excellence.”

Daniel Chambliss PhD, The Mundanity of Excellence

The above excerpt is from a paper Chambliss published in 1989 titled “The Mundanity of Excellence: An Ethnographic Report on Stratification and Olympic Swimmers”. While the focus of the paper is on swimmers Chambliss, does reference other arenas of performance and the core insights can be broadly applied.

The message to all of us is that the pursuit of excellence in any endeavour is about showing up every day and doing the work. Being consistent with the putting the effort into the small, seemingly insignificant steps that add up over time like compound interest. There are no hacks, secrets, or shortcuts. The work is not sexy, but it is necessary. Steven Pressfield wrote about this in The War of Art, Do the Work and in much of his other non-fiction writing.  

We too often get enamoured with the performance and miss all the years of training, practice and hard work that went before the performance. We like to talk about the best performers being a “natural” in their sport or arena of performance. We like to credit genetics. While genetics may help guide people to a specific sport or position within a sport, genetics without years of consistent hard work and practice will not allow you to become a world class performer.

This is not a discussion about theories of learning, teaching, and coaching or pedagogical models. Yes, great coaches can make practices fun and challenging. But you must consistently show up to practice, put in the effort and do the work. And you must do that over a long period of time if you want to be excellent. This applies to athletics, writing, music, speaking, teaching, sales, leading or any other arena of performance. You must continually and consistently invest in improving your mind, body, and craft.

What’s Important Now? Embrace the mundanity of excellence.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Are you focused on being right, or being better?

The below two quotes are from the FS (Farnam Street) Brain Food Newsletter last week.

“Imagine what you could accomplish if you weren't focused on being right all the time.”

“The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already.”

Tolstoy

Reading them caused me to pause and reflect on the times where I have been focused on being right, instead of being better. In those moments I was firmly persuaded that I already knew and therefore was not open to new information, new insights, new data, and a potentially new way of thinking. I am sure I came across as being arrogant, rather that being curious. “Stay Curious” is one of my Core Values and there are times where I need to remind myself to close my mouth, open my ears and my mind, stay curious, listen, learn, and grow.

This does not mean that I will always change my stance or position on a topic. It does mean that I will listen and be open to changing my position in the face of new and more compelling data. It does mean that I will be open and curious to others’ perspectives and points of view and be open to discussing the topic.

I also need to remind myself that when I have those moments where I get caught up in being right and am firmly persuaded that I already know, it does not make me a bad person. It is a simple reminder that I am human. It is also an opportunity to take a breath, take a step back from needing to be right, and open my mind to potentially new information, new insights, and new possibilities.

What’s Important Now? Stay curious. Keep your ears and your mind open.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Two things nobody can give you.

The below quote from one of James Clear’s 3-2-1- Thursday newsletters really resonated with me for a number of reasons, which I will get into below.

"People can help you in many ways throughout life, but there are two things nobody can give you: curiosity and drive. They must be self-supplied.

If you are not interested and curious, all the information in the world can be at your fingertips, but it will be relatively useless. If you are not motivated and driven, whatever connections or opportunities are available to you will be rendered inert.

Now, you won't feel curious and driven about every area of life, and that's fine. But it really pays to find something that lights you up. This is one of the primary quests of life: to find the thing that ignites your curiosity and drive.

There are many recipes for success. There is no single way to win. But nearly all recipes include two ingredients: curiosity and drive."

James Clear

Here are a few of the reasons this resonated with me:

• Stay Curious is one of my core values and guides my daily activities.

• Curiosity is also linked to my other Core Values - Focus on What’s Important Now and Seek to Inspire Others. I accept that curiosity and drive are not something I can give someone else, they are, however, attributes I can seek to inspire in others through the various aspects of my work.

• The line, “Now, you won't feel curious and driven about every area of life, and that's fine.” Is an important reminder. It is ok to say, “I don’t know a lot about that topic.” At that point in a conversation, I can be curious and ask questions of the other person to explore their understanding of the topic and their reason for asking me about the topic.

• The next line talks about the importance of “finding something that lights you up”. I was fortunate to find that 30 years ago. What is it? Seeking to find effective ways to help the men and women I train to prepare their mind and their body for where they may have to go.

• ·      The final paragraph reminded me that my way is “a way”, not “the way” and that I need to help people find a way that works for them, understanding the critical nature of curiosity and drive in that process.

The second paragraph from the James Clear’s except reminds me of a quote from Dean Kamen that I share on The Excellence in Training course:

“Imagination is more critical now. Knowledge is a commodity. Knowledge is virtually free and accessible instantly. Imagination is what allows us to do the next great thing. Imagination allows us to say, ok I have all this knowledge, that is what we have today. How do I make a better tomorrow? What do you add to knowledge to create the future. You have to innovate. What is innovation? Innovation is taking all the same facts that everyone else has, looking at all the same problems as everybody else is looking at, but see them differently and say, “Ah Hah this is what we can do to fix this problem. That’s imagination.”

Take time to reflect of your life. What is it for you that ignites your curiosity and drive?

What’s Important Now? Stay curious and use your imagination and drive to continue to innovate and help make a better tomorrow.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: It is always about you. It is always about you.

"You're going to realize it one day—that happiness was never about your job or your degree or being in a relationship. Happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you; it was never about being like the others. One day, you're going to see it—that happiness was always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always about being kinder to yourself; it was always about embracing the person you were becoming. One day, you will understand that happiness was always about learning how to live with yourself, that your happiness was never in the hands of others. It was always about you. It was always about you."

Bianca Sparacino, A Gentle Reminder

What’s Important Now? Instead of waiting until “one day”, start now by accepting - It is always about you. It is always about you.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Don’t be lazy and make empty judgments.

"Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. You never know what someone has been through, or what they're going through today. Don't be lazy and make empty judgments. Be kind. Ask about their stories. Listen."

Marc and Angel Chernoff

I am guilty of being lazy and making those empty judgements. I do it in airports, hotels, restaurants, and classes I am teaching. I also know that people make empty judgements about me.

Sometimes, when I have the opportunity, I will ask about their stories and listen. But not always. Does that make me a bad person? No. It makes me human. Humans are flawed. Is that an excuse? No.

Do I need to be more intentional and deliberate about reminding myself of the message in the opening quote? Absolutely. Will I always be successful? No, but I will keep striving.

I am reminded of one of the quotes I used in a presentation yesterday, “Strive for progress, not prefection.”

What’s Important Now? Be kind. Ask other people about their stories. Listen.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Finding beauty in the empty days.

I recently came across this excerpt from May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude, which was first published in 1973.

Finding Beauty in the Empty Days

I always forget how important the empty days are. How important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. A day when one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaged, damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing one can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room.

I have written about this concept before so why am I writing about it again? Because I suck at it. I suck at finding beauty in the empty days and I need a constant reminder of this.

I feel the need to produce work every day, seven days a week. That work might be writing a blog post, working on an upcoming presentation, or reading a research paper to prepare for an upcoming Excellence in Training Academy interview.

I feel like I used to be better with “empty days”. I am not sure if I am getting worse at managing my time when I am not on the road or if I have a diminished capacity for work on a daily basis. Whatever the reason, I need to work on building in an empty day occasionally, to let my mind rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room. Not necessarily every week, and certainly not ever day. I need to start small and build my capacity to create, and then find beauty in those empty days.

What about you?

What’s Important Now? Make space for empty days, then seek to find the beauty in them.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

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W.I.N. Wednesday: What are you good at that you need to stop doing?

“What are you good at that you need to stop doing?” is a question posed to the audience by Joe Calloway is his iconic closing keynote at the 2007 National Speakers Association conference. I was not in attendance at the conference but was able to track down a recording of the presentation a few years later after continually hearing people talk about it. That question had a huge impact on me at the time and I have been reflecting on it and sharing it ever since.

It is easy to quit the things that you are not good at. It is far more difficult, however, to quit doing something you are good at and that you get positive feedback on. I have used this question over the years to help me make the decision to stop teaching some of the programs I offered. They were a good source of income and I always got positive feedback from the participants, but I no longer enjoyed teaching the programs, so I walked away from them. In some cases, I referred clients to other trainers who offered training in that area and in other cases I found people I trusted, and who were great trainers, who were willing to teach the programs on a contract basis.

Those were difficult decisions at the time. Once I made the decision to stop teaching those programs and acted on that decision, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Is there something in your life that you are good at doing, but the joy is long gone, and it no longer feels like a “get to” and instead always feels like a chore and a “have to”? If so, what do you need to do to walk away and stop doing it? I am in no way suggesting that in a moment of frustration you simply say, “Screw it. I quit.” and walk away. This requires thought, reflection, and a little time to let the emotion pass. It also requires the courage to do what is right, for you, in that season of your life, when it may not be the popular, easy, or expedient choice.

What’s Important Now? What are you good at that you need to stop doing?

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: It is okay to be in this space.

"It is okay to be in this space. The transition, the messy middle, the space in between. You've moved on but you haven't yet arrived. You've left behind what you needed to, but the puzzle pieces haven't all yet come together. There is messiness. There is waiting. There is uncertainty. You are wanting to rush but everything is moving slow. You are wondering if you will get to where you want to go. But where you are is perfect. The messy middle is for doors to close and new doors to open. This transition period is where things come undone so that they can be put back together. This is a season of just being, of trusting. This is a season to pause and take a breath. Have love for yourself, you are exactly where you need to be."

Lisa Buscomb

This excerpt from Lisa Buscomb was shared recently in The Daily Coach blog. As I read it and reread it, the message really resonated with me. It struck me that, for me at least, being in “the messy middle” has been my life. I see it as the space in between birth and death where you are always struggling to put the puzzle pieces together. And, just when you get close to getting them all together life throws you a new curve and you now find yourself working on a new puzzle.

In the early years of your life, you are learning to walk, talk, learn and figure out your place in the world around you. The school years were filled with figuring out where you fit in, if you fit in and just as you started to maybe figure that out, you are off for two months filled with the waiting and uncertainty of starting in a new class, in a new grade, or a new school.

That messiness, waiting and uncertainty carries in the world of work where you are always wondering if you will get to where you want to go. Will you get the job or the assignment you want. Will you get the promotion. Every move, transfer, new assignment, and promotion bring new uncertainty.

That “messy middle” and everything that comes with it continued into my retirement from the Police Service 19 ½ years ago and has continued in my journey since then. As I now prepare to move into the next phase in 2025, I find myself once again in, or still in, “This transition period is where things come undone so that they can be put back together.”  

As I read, and reread that excerpt it struck me that the statement, “This is a season of just being, of trusting. This is a season to pause and take a breath. Have love for yourself, you are exactly where you need to be.", is powerful advice for life. It is ok to trust, pause and take a breath, have love for yourself, and accept that this is exactly where you need to be at that moment.

It does not mean that you stop learning, stop striving, or stop growing, it simply means that you are where you need to be in that moment of your journey. Each of those moments, good and bad, where doors open and close, where things come undone so they can be put back together, are all part of the journey we call life.

What’s Important Now?  Pause and take a breath, have love for yourself, and accept that this is exactly where you need to be at this moment.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: An air travel rant from a grumpy old man.

I travel for work between 26 and 33 weeks a year, most of those trips involve multiple flights at both ends of the trip. The following rant is for my fellow air travellers, whether you flight a lot, or just occasionally.

During the safety briefings please put your book away, pause the movie you are watching on your phone or table, shut up and pay attention to the safety briefings. Plane crashes are rare but when they happen people who pay attention to the safety briefings perform better than those who don’t. Before you get on the plane pull up the seating chart for the flight, look at what seat you are in, and count rows of seats going forward and back to get to the nearest emergency exit. Then, mentally rehearse how many seats you need to touch or go over to get to each exit in the event of an emergency. Mentally and physically rehearse undoing your seatbelt in an emergency. It works differently than the one in your vehicle. Don’t let your ignorance cost you or someone else their life when seconds count.

If you need to recline your seat during the flight, please do it slowly. Don’t be one of those idiots who slams his or her seat back into the fully reclined position. Space is limited already, and people are trying to work on their computers or watch videos on their tablets. They don’t need you breaking their stuff or spilling their drinks because you are too inconsiderate to simply recline your seat slowly. Better yet, keep your seat in the upright position or just recline slightly so the person behind you can enjoy what little space they have.

If you are flying on a smaller regional plane and the gate agent puts a green gate check tag on your bag, please leave it where you are directed to instead of thinking you are somehow special and your special bag will fit in the small overhead bins. When your bag does not fit, like the agent knew it would not, then you will have to fight your way upstream to the front of the plane and gate check it like you should have at the start.

Please learn to count to 2 before boarding a plane. You are only allowed two carry-on bags, and one is supposed to fit under the seat in front of you. The rule applies to everyone. You are not special and somehow exempt from the rules.  Yes, the exception is that you can bring your CPAP or other medical device as a third carry-on.

The aisles of planes are narrow. Please be aware of your backpack, purse, snowboarding helmet, ski boots, coffee, and everything else you are carrying onto the plane and don’t be one of those jerks who is smacking everyone seated in an aisle seat as you cluelessly stumble to your row, or spilling coffee on them as you try to look at your ticket to see where you are seated.

Ticket agents, gate agents and flight attendants are not responsible for weather issues, mechanical issues or other issues that result in delayed flights so please stop abusing them. Instead, be kind to them as delays complicate their life as well.

When you are walking through the airport get your head out of your phone. Airports are busy and people are trying to get to their gates. They don’t need you walking into them because you are focused on your stupid phone scrolling through unimportant e-mails, text messages or posts on Facebook or X.

If you are going to watch movies or listen to music on your phone, then buy headphones. Nobody else wants to listen to the crap you are listening to or watching on your phone.

If you need to have a phone conversation in the airport or in one of the airport lounges, then find a quiet spot away from other people and make sure you have headphones. Nobody else needs to listen to your conversation with your grandkids, spouse, friend, client, or anyone else. You do not need to have a phone conversation while you are on a plane. If it is truly an emergency, then use the headphones you should have already purchased, talk quietly, and keep the call brief.

Do not ask other people to move from the seat they booked months ago so you can sit by your spouse or friend only to sleep the whole flight, or read, or watch movies. I am sure they can survive the flight without you sitting beside them and ignoring them.

Air travel is not that enjoyable at the best of times. If you are going to fly for business or pleasure, please be respectful of everyone else crammed into that plane and of the airline employees who are doing their best with a system they did not create. Thank you from a grumpy old man who spends too much time on airplanes and in airports.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Simply do it and skip the posting and boasting.

In the Dare to Be Great leadership workshops we explore two Guiding Questions:

• What’s Important Now?

• What’s the right thing to do?

In addition to being questions to guide leaders in their decision-making process, these are life questions. As you know I refer to What’s Important Now? as ‘Life’s Most Powerful Question’. The question is simple and easy to remember and has an extremely diverse range of ways in which it can be applied and has been applied.

Doing what’s right is not always what is easy, what’s popular, or what’s expedient, but it is always what is right. This is not a new concept. Former Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote “Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored.”, and Martin Luther King Jr. reminded all of us, “The time is always right to do what is right.”

What never comes up in the discussions regarding these two powerful questions is to make sure that you take selfies and post them on social media to boast about doing what is right. As soon as you post and boast it sends a clear message that this is all about you.

If you are in a leadership position and you are going to go out and work with your people, or buy them lunch, good for you. That is what leaders do. They support their people, invest in their people, and express gratitude to their people. As soon as you post and boast about it, you make it about you. Including them in the picture (like they had a choice) does not make it about them, it still makes it about you.

It is important to brag about and celebrate your people and shine the light on them. Just stay out of the picture and leave yourself out of the post.

I also see several posts on LinkedIn, which is the only social media platform I am on, sharing videos of people allegedly doing “random acts of kindness” to show how caring and altruistic they are.  If you have planned the event to the point where someone is capturing it on video so you can post it on social media, then it is all about you and not about the act.

What’s Important Now? If it is the right thing to do, simply do it, and skip the posting and boasting.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Better late than never.

Early this morning the following blog post from Seth Godin showed up in my inbox.

“I didn’t get in” 

There are two ways to process this:

The selection committee saw me, understood me, and then decided to reject me.

or

The selection committee didn’t get what I had to offer. I wasn’t rejected, my application was. It’s not that I didn’t get in, it’s that they didn’t engage with the story I told.

We can always do a better job of finding the place where we might thrive. And a better job of living and telling the story that earns us a chance to get to that place.

But the chances that you were fully seen and rejected as a person are slight indeed.

It struck me as I read it that I wish I would have had this advice 46 years ago. I was living in Edmonton at the time and trying to get hired by the Edmonton Police Service. I was rejected two years in a row. The first time they would not give me any feedback other than to come back in a year and apply again, which I did. The second time they rejected my application the feedback I received was that I wasn’t smart enough to make it through training because I had never been to college or university.

As a result of those rejections, I applied to the Calgary Police Service where I got hired, started training in the fall of 1979 and found a place where I could thrive. Since then, I have experienced rejection with applications to specialty units as well as other venues and most of the times it worked out for the best. The advice from Seth Godin would have still been helpful in advance of all those rejections.

Reading Godin’s post this morning also reminded me that I let the day get away from me yesterday and dropped the ball in sending out the W.I.N. Wednesday blog post so I decided better late than never. I hope you don’t reject the message just because it is Thursday.

I suspect the post by Godin was targeted at high school seniors who may get letters of rejection from colleges or universities they applied to. The reality, however, is that we all face rejection in life. That rejection comes in many forms, and it is easy to take it personally and assume they are rejecting you, at least that is how it felt for me.

What’s Important Now? Next time you face rejection consider that they are rejecting your application, not you.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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