W.I.N. Wednesday: Beware the Compare Trap
It is easy to get caught up in the trap of comparing yourself to others. We compare based on how many followers they have on various social media platforms, how much money they make, how big the audiences are that they speak to, how big a house they have, how many pictures they have posted on Facebook from exotic vacation locations, how many books they have sold, how perfect their life / kids / marriage seem to be, their job title, and a host of other meaningless metrics.
Why do I say meaningless metrics? Because often it is a façade, a false front, an image they portray on the public forums. Many people look at professional athletes with awe and a sense of wishing you had their life. Their fame is often short lived and many talk about the hollow feelings after reaching a goal of winning the big game or title. For a number of them their personal lives are a train wreck. The numbers are staging how many of them are bankrupt and struggling with depression within a few years of their retirement.
I enjoy watching the interviews Tom Bilyeu does for Impact Theory but, it is easy to start to believe that if you are not a successful entrepreneur running a multimillion dollar company, or someone who has gone from rock bottom to now speaking to, and allegedly influencing, millions of adoring fans that you are somehow an underachiever.
The most recent issue of Success magazine listed the top “Influencers”. Their status as an influencer however, is predicated on the number of “followers” they have on their various social medial platforms. Clicking on the “Follow” button is easy and drastically different from truly following someone, reading every post, taking action on what they are posting, being influenced and actually changing your life as a result of those actions. It is cause for pause when I see someone who has tens of thousands of followers and is also following 1217 people. Really? All that tells me is they have clicked the Follow button on other people’s platforms 1217 times.
Is someone who has millions of “followers” more influential that a sixth grade teacher in an inner city school who inspires a love of learning and a growth mindset in a group of young boys and girls and potentially changes the course of their life? Is someone who routinely speaks to audiences of thousands of people truly more influential that someone who works one on one with people or with small groups and creates lasting change in the lives of those people? Is an NFL coach more influential than a high school football coach who teaches the young men they coach how to be better men, better husbands, better fathers and better members of society?
The title “New York Times Best Selling Author” is one a lot of authors feel is something that sets them apart and proves they are a successful writer with an obviously important message. While there are a number of legitimate New York Times Best Selling Authors, this metric of success has resulted in people finding ways to scam the system just to get the coveted title.
In an online program I am working through there was a component on High Performance where you were challenged to reflect on and write about High Performance and High Performers. It is my belief that High Performance is within your control. It is about striving to continually learn and grow and about performing at your best given the tools and skills you have at that moment, then reflecting on the performance and learning and growing from that process. I believe that being a High Performer is a label created by others and is outside your control. How do we determine who is a High Performer, or High Achiever? What are the metrics? Are they subjective, which they often are, or objective? Is it based on scale, or impact? Is it based on effort and process or strictly on outcome? It is based on one’s life, or just a thin slice a person’s life?
Are numbers really a true measure of impact, influence and success, or are they arbitrary numbers created to make some people feel important and others feel like under achievers? Are we so busy trying to impress with numbers and titles, show how we changed the world, or are Best in World, that sometimes we forget what is really important?
What if we were to focus more on significance and less on “success”?
What if we focused more on significance than on scale?
What if we focused more on Eulogy Virtues than Resume Virtues?
What if we followed the advice of Confucius - “Worry not who knows of you; seek to be worth knowing.” and focused on continually striving to be the best version of ourselves?
What if we embraced the wisdom of John Wooden – “Mentoring is why you should get up every morning; to teach and be taught.” and strove to be of service to others and develop others?
Might Seth Godin’s - “Don’t tell me what you invented; tell me who you changed.”, be a more meaningful metric than number of followers on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn?
Maybe we should be seeking the Stillness Ryan Holiday talks about in this interview with Chase Jarvisbased his new book Stillness is the Key.
What’s Important Now? Focus on what you control, which are your thoughts, attitudes, decisions and actions and strive to continually learn, grow and be the best version of you so you can live a life of significance and impact.
Take care.
Brian Willis
www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com
Maximizing human potential through Life's Most Powerful Question - What's Important Now?
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