W.I.N. Wednesday: Conversations not Debates
I recently listened to Tim Ferriss’ June 2020 podcast interview with Coach George Raveling. George Raveling has experienced a great deal in his 82 years, is a voracious reader, a man of deep thought and deep insights, and a man of action. I wanted to share with you just a couple of the insights I took away from the interview. I will share one this week and one next week.
Insight: We need to have conversations not debates.
My Thoughts:
Debates are about each side trying to prove they are right. In a debate there are declared winners and losers. Some debates turn into yelling matches, with the seeming belief that whoever yells louder and longer, wins. That is not what we need right now, or at any time, if we want to achieve positive change. This comment by George Raveling made me realize that very often my tendency is to want to debate; to immediately talk about the facts, the research, the evidence without first having a conversation to acknowledge the other person’s feelings, beliefs and perceptions before having a conversation about the facts.
What we need are conversations, dialogues and discussions. Conversations where people are not trying to outshout each other, but are willing to actually listen in an effort to gain understanding. Conversations where people are willing to have discussions about difficult topics without name-calling, finger pointing, threatening or blaming. Conversations about effecting change, not simply demanding that things change.
These are conversations where everyone shows up with an open mind, a sense of humility and a sense of humor.
Conversations where everyone is willing to ask and answer the question, “What piece of this do I own?” Conversations that seek to answer the questions, “Where do we go from here?” and “What’s the smallest change that could make the biggest difference?” These questions allow us to begin to craft a vision and identify small, but significant steps we can take immediately to move us forward to a better future.
Debates would be an improvement from what we are seeing too much of these days. Debates however are not likely to bring us together and move us forward. Debates often force people to take sides pushing them further apart, rather than helping them come together.
The conversations have to be person to person (even if they are over Skype or Zoom). Part of the current issue sadly is the ease of anonymity created by social media where people can attack, threaten and make very disparaging remarks without ever having to reveal their name or face. You can also have a conversation digitally.
These conversations can take place between two people or in small groups (Following public health guidelines regarding COVID-19 if you are meeting in person.). You do not have to wait for someone else to organize something; you can reach out to one other person and start a conversation. The challenge with large groups is there tends to be one or two people who do all the talking, too often there is a lot of shouting, and seldom are there any meaningful conversations.
I will share one other insight and my thoughts next week. If you want to listen to this interview with George Raveling, and I encourage you to do so, you can go to https://tim.blog/2020/06/08/coach-george-raveling/.
Take care.
Brian Willis
www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com
Maximizing human potential through Life's Most Powerful Question - What's Important Now?
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