W.I.N. Wednesday: Make youth sports about the young people, not the adults.
When my two sons were growing up and I coached youth basketball, indoor and outdoor soccer, and bantam football I was always of the opinion that youth sports could be a lot of fun if it was not for some of the adults. It would be appropriate to adopt either the New Zealand All Blacks “No Dickheads” rule, or Professor Robert Sutton’s “No Assholes Rule” for coaches and parents.
If you have children in sports make it about them, not you. Make it about the love of the game. Make it about respect for the game, their teammates, the officials, and their opponents. Make if about developing adaptive problems solving skills, movement skills, as well as skills in communication, teamwork, empathy, and emotional intelligence. Make it about the love of physical activity. Make it about striving to be their best, not the best.
I am writing this in a hotel room in St. Louis while I am at the ILEETA conference. I had ESPN Sportscenter on a few days ago in my hotel room and was disturbed by one of the stories they shared. They showed an upset in college wrestling where a young man who had won 58 consecutive matches over 3 or 4 years and was the favorite to win his fourth national title was pinned and defeated by a lesser ranked opponent. What bothered me was the footage of this young man’s mother who had a meltdown in the stands. She ripped off her glasses and broke them into pieces before throwing them to the floor as part of her tantrum. Obviously, I do not know this woman and am judging based on the brief footage they showed. This response however, was not the response of a mother who felt bad for her son. This was not a mother celebrating the massive effort and accomplishments of her son throughout his wrestling career. This was not an empathetic response to her son’s loss in what may have been his final competition of his college career. This was a tantrum by a woman who appeared that it was all about her, not her son. It was a sad display.
I have heard some athletic trainers I respect talk about having conversations with parents about “their athlete”. We need to shift these conversations from “your athlete” to “you son or daughter”. These are children, adolescents, and young men and women who happen to be competing in athletic endeavors. At those ages they should be viewed and embraced as young people “playing sports” not commodities having to perform to keep their coach and parents from yelling at them. There are still too many young people who dread the car right home with mom or dad after the game, especially if they lost.
A small percentage of the young people who participate in sports at the high school level will ever play at the college or university level, and only a small percentage of them will get a full ride scholarship to a Division 1 school. Of those who do play sports at the collegiate level very few will every play at the professional level or every become an Olympic athlete. Very few people who earn the right to participate in the Olympics will ever get on a podium and win a medal.
There are some valuable life lessons that can be learned by participating in youth sports, if the young people playing those sports have the right teachers (parents and coaches). Sadly, there are still children learning the wrong lessons and having the fun taken out of the game by adults who forget the true purpose of youth sports. If you have a child in sports, or you coach youth sports, remember that it is not about you.
What’s Important Now? Make youth sports about the young people, not the adults.
Take care.
Brian Willis
www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com.
ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.
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