W.I.N. Wednesday: When you know better, do better.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Maya Angelou

Continually ask questions, read, listen, reflect, and learn so you know better.

When you know better, do better.  

What’s Important Now? Rinse and repeat.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Vote for the type of person you want to become.

Back at the start of October I wrote a W.I.N. Wednesday post based on a question from a participant at the NTOA conference on “How do I stick to my diet?” One of the strategies I wrote about was to create a new identity. That theme, along with the importance of taking action are woven through many of the W.I.N. Wednesday newsletters.

"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity."

James Clear

The themes of action and identity were front of mind the other morning when I had no “motivation” to work out. I was about to blow the workout off and come up with an excuse to try and rationalize that to myself when I heard that little voice in my head saying, “It is not like you to skip your workout just because you don’t feel like it.” That was enough to get me out of my funk and get me started and once I started, I had a good workout. As James Clear states in the above quote, that action was a vote for the type of person I wish to become.

I almost made the above little story generic because I do not want to become the type of person who is always posting selfies, and writing stories to say, “Heh look at me.” I then realized that it is ok occasionally to share small stories to show that I am working to practice what I preach.

The wording “the type of person you wish to become” is important as it implies that we are on a continual journey of becoming that person. This is not something that you achieve, tick off that box, then stop striving. This also embodies the philosophy of “Believe it until you achieve it”.

Once you are clear on the type of person you wish to become it may be helpful to draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and on the left side make a list of behaviors (actions) that are “like me” and cast a vote for the type of person you are becoming, and on the right side of the paper make a list of behaviors that are “No like me”.

You can do the same exercise with a sports team, or a team of people at work. Once you are clear on the type of team you want to become make the “Like Us” and “Not Like Us” list that everyone contributes to, and everyone agrees on. Once you have the team list then individuals can make their own list of the types of behaviors as individuals that support what you are building as a team.

Remember to have compassion for yourself and others in the journey of becoming. We are all human. We are all flawed. We will all have good days and bad days. We will all make mistakes. We will all falter. We you do then pick yourself and others up, reflect of the learning opportunity and move forward better off for the experience.

What’s Important Now? Take small actions today, and every day, that will cast a vote for the type of person you want to become.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Absorb. Discard. Add.

“Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. Add what is uniquely your own.”

Bruce Lee

We are continually bombarded with information from a wide variety of sources. That information relates to exercise, nutrition, sleep, learning, training, mental wellness, and a host of other topics. The challenge is to decide who to listen to and determine what do you absorb, what do you discard and what do you add that is uniquely our own.  

Let’s start with the last part, “add what is uniquely your own.” Each of us is unique. We have different body structures, and physical capabilities and limitations. Those will change over time and sometimes will change acutely because of an injury or medical issue. We have different life circumstances and are in different seasons of our life. We have different jobs and different demands because of those jobs. We have different tastes in food. We have different times of day when we prefer to work out, or perhaps when we can work out. We have different access to fitness facilities and equipment. The point here is that there is no “one size fits all” approach to most areas of life.

As far as what to absorb and what to discard, you need to determine your criteria for the information and the sources of that information. Is it evidence based, research informed and can it be practically applied? Is it practical for you? Is it doable with your realities? Is it cost effective and affordable? Is it something you will stick with for the long term or is it a gimmick, fad, hack, or secret?

I use the three criteria of evidence based, research informed and practically applied to determine who I listen to. For example, three of the sources I trust for health-related issues are Matt Walker PhD, Benjamin Bikman PhD, Andrew Huberman PhD, and Peter Attia MD. Why? Because everything they talk about is evidence based and research informed. They are very cautious about offering an opinion, but when they do, they are very clear that it is an opinion, an informed opinion but an opinion none the less. They are also willing to say, “I don’t know.”, and to change their beliefs based on new evidence. Like a lot of people, I listen to Andrew Huberman and Peter Attia’s podcasts to access information. They cite the sources of their information and I know that the guests are vetted and credible. Some of the information is very applicable to me for where I am at in my life and my health, and I absorb it, and apply it in a way that works for me. Some of the information they cover is not useful to me, so I discard it. Some of the information is not applicable based on the unique elements of my life, so I discard it. With some of the information I add what is uniquely my own based on a lifetime of research, experimentation, successes, and failures and knowing me, my situation, my needs, and my physical abilities and limitations at that point in my life.

I have other trusted and vetted sources of information for other areas of my life, including my learning and growth.

You need to figure out who you are going to use as reliable sources of information. Once you do, determine what you will absorb, what you will discard and what you will add that is uniquely your own. Absorbing might require tweaking and adjusting and is about principles and concepts and not just specific protocols or regimens.

On this journey remember to embrace the philosophy of “Strong beliefs, loosely held.” Be willing to change your beliefs and strategies when new, more compelling evidence is revealed to you. Be prepared to tweak and adjust as you go. Figure out what works for you and be careful about the dogma and belief that there is only one way for everyone. My way is A Way. It is not The Way.

P.S. It may be helpful to read a little more about Bruce Lee’s life and philosophies. The book Be Water My Friend by his daughter Shannon Lee is a good place to start.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: What you often don’t see.

“Everything is hard before it’s easy.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What you see is:

• The final product.

• The performance.

• Are a select few stories of “success”.

• What the “media” determines is important for you to see.

• Posts from people who are continually posting on social media.

• The awards, or award shows.

• Stories of people who lose over a hundred pounds or more on some reality show, using a fad diet or the latest weight loss hack.

What you see is people making the hard, look easy.

What you often don’t see is:

• The hard work, practice and preparation that goes on behind the scenes prior to a concert, Broadway play, movie, or sporting event.

• The mistakes, failures and struggles on the journey to make the hard, look easy.

• The personal struggles people are going through. The insecurities, the doubts, fears, and challenges.

• The stories of the people who make it through military special operations qualification then get kicked out of the unit for serious character issues, criminal behaviour, or inability to function in that environment.

• The people who are “successful” in business, athletics, or some other area, but whose personal lives are a train wreck.

• The stories of the people who are unsuccessful in making it through military special operations qualification, but then go on to have successful careers in the military and / or in civilian life despite not having achieved the goal of being a member of the special operations community.

• The stories of people who lost hundreds of pounds on a reality show or using some fad diet or weight loss hack and then put the weight all back on plus some.  

Be careful of assuming that what you do see:

• Applies to everyone in a specific profession.

• Is reality. (Hint: Social media is not reality. Reality shows are not reality.)

• Is all there is.

• Somehow means that “success” equates to happiness and fulfillment.

• Means you are somehow less than, or a failure because that is not your reality.

What’s Important Now? Accept that everything is hard before it is easy. Embrace the struggle. Embrace the suck. Look for the learning. Look for the good. Dare to Be Great.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Heh Willis, what are your New Year’s Resolutions?

I often get asked about my thoughts on New Year’s Resolutions and what my personal resolutions are. My answers are always the same.

• I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.

• I do not have any New year’s resolutions.

Let me explain. I think New Year’s Resolutions are a flawed strategy that causes a lot of people to experience a sense of overwhelm and failure before the first month of the year is over. Too often people pick goals, that are not their own, but ones they feel pressured to pick, like weight loss. As a result, many people give up on their New Year’s Resolutions by mid to late January. For some people this causes a feeling of defeat and a belief that they are not disciplined like __________________ (fill in the name of some social media influencer). That results in them feeling shame and a diminished sense of self-worth. New Year’s Resolutions are simply a construct that someone came up with that many people now feel like they “have” to do.

I am a believer in regular rituals and a daily commitment to strive to be a little better tomorrow than I am today. My rituals include sleep, activity, nutrition, and learning. I use the phrase “strive to be a little better today that I was yesterday” because I understand that sometimes in the striving I will fail and come up short. When I do, I allow myself to be human. I then follow the model from my dog and kick some grass over that shit and move on.

I engage in some form of learning every day. Some days I get a significant amount of reading done, other days I read for only 20 or 30 minutes. Some days I work on online course and others I do not. Some days are more productive from a writing standpoint. Some days I listen to several podcasts and interviews. Some days I conduct interviews for the Excellence in Training Academy. Occasionally I do interviews for other people’s podcasts. The areas of focus for my learning will vary depending on what upcoming interviews I am preparing to conduct, and what rabbit hole I am going down with my own learning where I am striving to gain a deeper understanding. As 2022 ends that rabbit hole is related to the field of Ecological Dynamics as it applies to facilitating motor skill acquisition and adaptability.

I do some form of physical activity every day. The type and amount vary depending if I am on the road or at home. On the road teaching days are different from on the road prep days and at home days are different from days on the road. Due to early morning flights on many travel days the activity those days usually involves brisk walks through airports. Some days the activity is one or two walks outside. Other days I do a resistance training session early in the morning, a session on the SkiERG machine late morning and a walk after my midday meal. Other days I do a 45-minute incline walk on the treadmill first thing in the morning followed by a brief shoulder workout and then a walk outside after the midday meal. When I am home, I do a post workout infrared sauna 4 to 5 times a week.

I eat consistently 90 to 95% of the time. I travel with protein powder, grass fed beef sticks and meal replacement bars. On the road I often stay in hotels that have a kitchen so I can cook my own breakfast. I take my lunch every day that I teach, and I generally do not eat after lunch. At home I have the same thing for breakfast every day and eat at the same time each morning. I have a protein shake mid-morning, eat the same thing every day for my midday meal, which I also eat at the same time, and then I do not eat again before I go to bed. I like the way I eat, and what I eat and never feel like I am depriving myself. When I do deviate from my normal eating, I am fine with that and simply get back on track the next meal. I eat the way I do because I want to, because I get to, not because I have to.

For the most part I have stopped drinking. Will I occasionally have a glass of red wine when I am out for a meal? Possibly. Is that ok? Sure. I am not going to beat myself up because of it. I just get back onto my normal plan after that.

I am consistent with the time I go to bed and the time I get up at least 350 days a year. There are a few days because of social commitments or flight departure or arrival times that I deviate from the schedule. I wear a sleep mask 365 nights a year and tape my mouth shut every night to force myself to breathe through my nose while sleeping. The majority of days I leave 5 to 6 hours between my last meal and the time I go to bed. A few times a year that window will be down to 2 hours.

I share all this simply to help you understand why, for me, New Year’s Resolutions are not something I focus on. If I need to tweak my systems, processes, habits, or rituals I do that when it becomes apparent that I would benefit from that change, rather than waiting for January 1 to make some big change.

Does this make me special in any way? No. Does it mean I am highly motivated? No. Motivation is fleeting and there are many days when I am not motivated to workout, write, or read, but I do it anyway knowing that once I start, I will get into it and be glad I did it. Does this mean I am super disciplined? I would say no. I am a creature of habit and I have created daily habits and rituals that work for me.

Do I think you need to do what I do? No. Do what works for you. Should you eat the way that I eat? No. You should eat in a whatever way works best for you, your life, your likes, and your health. If New Year’s Resolutions work for you, excellent. Go for it. If they do not, then screw New Year’s Resolutions. Do what does work for you and feel good about doing it. It is ok to be you.

What’s Important Now? Start where you are at. Start now. Focus on small, incremental, daily improvements. Focus on habits and rituals that are sustainable for you, and meaningful for you. Allow yourself to be human.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Simply do it.

If it is the right thing to do, simply do it. You do not have to take the “heh look at me” selfie photos and videos and post them online. Simply do it.

If you wish to give a server in a restaurant an unusually large tip to help them out, then simply do it. Simply do it at the end of the meal and let them discover it after you have left. When you take and post the selfie you make it all about you, and not about the act.

If you perform a random act of kindness for a stranger, simply do it. Do it because it is the right thing to do. Do it because it makes the person feel seen, valued appreciated. (It will also make you feel good.) If you take and post the selfie it is not a random act of kindness, it is a staged act to show everyone how “kind and giving” you are and you have just made it all about you.

If you are in a formal leadership position and you go out and work alongside your people to let them know you appreciate what they do and make them feel seen, heard, valued, and appreciated then simply do it. That is what leaders should be doing. When you take and post the selfie you have just made it all about you.

Posting a selfie with a group of people with the caption, “I had the opportunity to (spend the day with, teach, train, etc.) this great group of people today.” Makes it about you, not them. If you have the opportunity to train a great group of people, then simply do it and do it to the best of your abilities. If they want to post something of their own initiative, not because you asked them to, that is different.

Simply do your job, treat people right, have an all-in attitude and give an all-out effort because it is the right thing to do, and please skip the “heh look at me selfie”.

What’s Important Now? Simply do it.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: No one changes unless .........

I often talk about and write about the philosophy, “Focus on what you control and control the controllable.” The below message from Lori Deschene reminded me of that.

No one changes unless they want to.

Not if you beg them.

Not if you shame them.

Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love.

There’s only one thing that makes someone change:

their own realization that they need to do it.

And there is only one time it will happen:

when they decide they’re ready.

Lori Deschene

You will only change when you are ready. You will be ready when you have a strong enough personal ‘why’. Changing to appease others or to get them off your back will not result in lasting change and while you are suffering through that temporary change you will likely resent those who begged or shamed you.

You cannot change others, no matter how badly you want to. You can, however, love and support them unconditionally until they decide they are ready to change and then you can love and support them through their personal journey of change.

What’s Important Now? Remember that no one changes unless they want to, including you.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: What can I do I am just a……….

”The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

Alice Walker

Any time we start a sentence with the words, “I am just a” we are trying to convince ourselves that we have no power, no influence, no ability to effect any change.

I hear this all the time from people when we talk about leading and culture change in organizations. Interestingly, I hear it from people of all levels, ranks and assignments. When I talk about “power” in the context of culture change and being a leader, I am referring to the ability to influence others and influence change in a positive way.

The conversation starts with exploring the philosophy of, “Focus on what you control and control the controllable.” When people make a list of all the things they control it becomes quickly apparent that everything on the list is about them. The only person we control is ourselves. We do, however, have influence with other people. That span of influence varies from person to person. Even if I believe I only have influence with two or three other people, they have influence with two or three other people and they have influence with two or three other people. We soon start to discover that we may have more influence than we think.  

In this case we are looking at influencing like a leader and thinking of influence ‘with’, not influence ‘over’ and we are looking to influence through inspiration, collaboration, cooperation, communication, relationships, and human connection. It is in influencing like a leader that you have the ability (power) to positively influence cultural change in your piece of the organization.

There are countless examples of positive change that was initiated by people at the foundational level of organizations; people who believed in their ability to create change. Many of those people were surrounded by peers who initially believed they did not have the power to effect change and often used the “What can I do, I am just a ____” language.

Start by accepting that you are in a position to lead (even if you are not in a formal leadership position) and that you do have the power to effect positive change if you are courageous enough to take action and influence like a leader.

What’s Important Now? You have power. You have influence. Use it wisely to create positive change.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: The Secret of Being Miserable

“George Bernard Shaw was right. He summed it all up when he said: ‘The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.’ So don’t bother to think about it! Spit on your hands and get busy. Your blood will start circulating; your mind will start ticking—and pretty soon this whole positive upsurge of life in your body will drive worry from your mind. Get busy. Keep busy. It’s the cheapest kind of medicine there is on this earth—and one of the best.”

Dale Carnegie

The messages I take from the above quote are:

·      Focus on taking action and doing the work to be of service to others.

·      Strive to make an impact on your small part of the world.

·      Seek to live a life of significance. 

It is easy to get caught up sitting on the couch surfing social media sites and fantasizing about how happy you would be if you had a different job, made more money, had a bigger house, had a better spouse, had a better boss, worked for yourself, won the lottery, lived in some exotic location, or were rich and famous. Yet, we all know people who change jobs, get a new boss, get a raise, buy a bigger house, or find a new spouse and are still miserable. There are countless stories of the “rich and famous” who are unhappy and continually seeking something else.

What’s Important Now? Focus on becoming, instead of being. Worry not who knows of you, seek to be worth knowing. Focus on effort and process, not just outcomes. Seek to live a life of significance rather than chasing ‘success’ and ‘happiness’. You might just find yourself feeling happier and more fulfilled.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

ONE QUESTION BRINGING FOCUS AND CLARITY IN THE CHAOS AND COMPLEXITY OF TODAY'S WORLD.

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Some random thoughts and rantings from an old grumpy guy.

If you hate your job, either change your attitude or quit and get a different job. Everyone is hiring. Stop making your fellow employees miserable and pissing off your customers.

If you are going to take a job in the service industry, then strive to be of service to people and do not just go through the motions until your shift is over. If you hate your job, then go back and read the first paragraph.

If you work in the hospitality industry, then strive to be hospitable. If you hate your job, you know what to do.

If you are going to fly on a commercial aircraft then for the 3 minutes it takes the flight attendants to do the safety briefing please shut up, put down your phone or your book, take off your headphones and pay attention to the safety briefing. Then mentally rehearse how many rows forward and backward you need to go to get to the emergency exits. Mentally rehearse undoing your seatbelt in an emergency, it works differently than the seatbelt in your vehicle. Mentally rehearse putting on the oxygen mask and pulling down on the plastic tubing to start the flow of oxygen in an emergency. Do this every flight. It might just save your life and the lives of others on the plane in an emergency.

If the phone call is that important that you have to answer it while you are driving, then safely pull over to the side of the road and have the conversation.

If the phone call is that important that you have to answer it while you are walking through a mall, an airport or any other busy pedestrian area, then step off to the side and find a quiet spot where you will not disturb other people, and then have your call.

There is no reason for you to be texting and driving. Putting other people’s lives at risk for a text message is unacceptable.

If you are a smoker, then find an actual ashtray for your cigarette butts. The roadway is not an ashtray. The sidewalk is not an ashtray. Parking lots are not ashtrays.

If you are going to accept a leadership position, then have the courage to lead. If you are not willing to do the job, then please do not take the position or promotion.

If you are going to violate Rule #2 (No Whining. No Complaining. No Excuses.) please limit it to 5 minutes then move on to finding solutions.

People in the service industry are not servants so if you treat them like they are, please stop.

Every job is important. If you think certain jobs are “beneath you”, first, get over yourself, then go out of your way to be polite to the people who are willing to do those critical jobs and show your appreciation for them. You might not be willing to do that job; be grateful that someone is.

Remember that you can blame, or you can learn, you cannot do both. Stop blaming and focus on learning.

Thanks for letting me rant.

What’s Important Now? If you were offended by anything I wrote, then consider the words of a wise trainer I once heard preface his class by saying, “I am likely going to piss some of you off. Remember, it only hurts if it ought to.”

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Believe it until you achieve it.

I am not a fan of the philosophy of, “Fake it until you make it.” I think the concept can be helpful, but I believe the language is problematic. For many people “faking it” feels cheap and sleazy and creates cognitive dissonance. What if you embraced the philosophy “Believe it until you achieve it.” instead.

“Believe it until you achieve it.” is about believing in your ability to accomplish and achieve goals and effect changes if you are willing to put in the work. This is not believing you can be anything you want and have anything you want if you just put it out in the universe. This is about developing a Growth Mindset and believing that if you are willing to put in the effort you can learn, grow, and improve. It also requires coupling this belief with action. It requires focusing on effort and process and mastering the art of showing up.

“Believe it until you achieve it.” does not mean that you will be fearless and free of any doubt. We will all experience fear, anxiety, and doubt on our journey in the pursuit of excellence. The key is to acknowledge that the anxiety is a reminder the journey, task or goal is important to you and allow yourself to reflect on why it is important to you. It also affords you the opportunity to reflect on the reality that you have learned new information, acquired new skills and done hard things before.

It comes down to action, belief, and self-talk. The key is to combine the concept of Act As If, the philosophy “Believe it until you achieve it.”, and the art of mastering the internal dialogue with showing up every day with the commitment to small incremental improvement.

Many of the experts agree that it is easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting. I put this to the test this morning. I really did not feel like working out. I accepted the reality that once I started my warmup my mindset would likely change, I acted, and my mindset did change. That action allowed me to remain consistent with my identity of being someone who is committed to my health and who works out first thing in the morning.

Mental preparation coach Brian Cain shares the following insights:

• Confidence is a behavior, not a feeling.

• Acting changes everything.

• Always Behave Confident.

What’s Important Now? Take action. Believe it until you achieve it. Focus on effort and process. Master the internal dialogue. Keep showing up. Stay committed to the long game. Embrace the Struggle, Embrace the Suck, Look for the Learning, Look for the Good, Dare to Be Great.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: How do I stick to my diet?

n an Excellence in Training workshop I was facilitating at the recent NTOA conference in Milwaukee one of the participants, who is a regular reader of the W.I.N. Wednesday blog, asked, “How do I stick to a diet?” We discussed it briefly then he suggested I write a blog post on it. Understanding that I am not a psychologist or a nutritionist, here are some thoughts.

Words Have Power

Words have power so pay attention to the language you use.

First, drop the word diet. The word implies short term punishment and depriving yourself of the things you enjoy. The inference is that once the “diet” is over you can go back to eating the way you used to, which is problematic. Instead, think about developing a long-term nutritional strategy, a way of eating, a lifestyle that involves healthy eating, that works for you and is sustainable over time.

Change the phase “Have To” to “Get To”. I don’t have to eat healthy; I get to eat healthy. I don’t have to work out, I get to so I can be fit to be useful. I don’t have to read every day; I get to read every day to keep my mind active and continue to learn and grow. I choose to do all these activities to keep my mind and body healthy. 

Shift your focus from “weight loss” to healthy behaviors and habits. Those behaviors and habits will help you to get to, and maintain, a healthy weight.

Create a New Identity

Create a new and meaningful identity that encompasses the habits and behaviors you are seeking to embrace. For me that identity includes, “I am someone who is committed to my health.” Make sure you have a strong personal ‘why’ behind the new identity. Personally, I am not interested in longevity and life span, I am interested in health span. I am not concerned with living to 100, but I do want to be healthy in the remaining years that I do live. That means adopting behaviors that support strength and mobility, prevent insulin resistance, which is linked to many of our health issues, and limit the potential for cognitive decline through lifestyle choices. The experts suggest that Type 2 Diabetes is completely preventable and completely reversable as it is a lifestyle disease. I have also heard several experts suggest that Alzheimer’s Disease (also referred to as Type 3 Diabetes) is predominantly a lifestyle disease and potentially 98% preventable.

Once you are clear on your new identity Act As If you are that person and change your self-talk to support the new identity.

Identify Supporting Behaviors

Part of the Act As If philosophy is creating a list of behaviors that support your new identity. A helpful exercise is to write the new identity at the top of a blank piece of paper and then draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper to create two columns. In the left-hand column make a list of “Like Me” behaviors that support your identity. On the right side make a list of “Not Like Me” behaviors that are contrary to the new identity.

As I mentioned a key element of the identity I have embraced is, “I am someone who is committed to my health.” This means I am committed to training my mind and body. I commit to training my mind by reading non-fiction books every day, continuing to teach, preparing for, and conducting interviews for The Excellence in Training Academy and listening to educational podcasts. I commit to training my body through resistance training at least 3 times a week, Zone 2 cardio training at least 3 times a week and maximizing my nutrition through the development of “healthy eating habits”.

You must sort through all the literature and rhetoric on nutrition and decide what “healthy eating” means for you. Personally, I follow the advice of Benjamin Bikman PhD, a professor at BYU and author of the book Why We Get Sick, which is on my recommended reading list. He advocates for following three basic principles:

• Prioritize Protein

• Control Carbs

• Fill With Fat

That works for me. These are simple principles I find it easy to follow at home and on the road. This is important as I will spend about 32 weeks on the road in 2022. I also strive to eat within an 8-hour window every day. This allows me to have 16 hours each day where I am not ingesting calories and helps ensure I leave a minimum of 3 hours (usually 4 to 6 hours) between my last meal and when I go to bed.

Being committed to my health also means being anal about prioritizing my sleep. Chronic sleep debt and sleep deprivation have massive consequences for our physical health, brain health and mental health. Matthew Walker PhD, a professor at the University of California Berkley and author of Why We Sleep (also on the recommended reading list) says that sleep debt is the one debt that can never be repaid. When you are tired it is easier to blow off your workouts and make less desirable eating choices.

The behaviors that support the “like me” behavior of being anal about prioritizing my sleep include:

• Consistently giving myself the opportunity for 8 hours of sleep. This usually means ensuring I am in bed for about 8 ½ hours.

• Being consistent with the time I go to bed and the time I get up every day. I have established times that I can be consistent with both at home and on the road. I am able to accomplish this an average of 350 or more nights a year.

• Leaving at least 3 hours between my last meal and the time I go to bed.

• At home, and on the road on days when I am not teaching, I leave 8 to 10 hours between my last intake of caffeine and the time I go to bed. When I am teaching, I have a ritual of getting a venti dark roast coffee from Starbucks about 6:30 a.m. and making it last until I eat my last meal of the day around noon.

• Limiting my alcohol consumption. I love a glass of red wine after my last meal of the day, but the science is clear that alcohol consumption disrupts sleep quality, especially REM sleep. Alcohol is a sedative and not a sleep aide.

• Wearing a sleep mask 365 nights a year as it is hard for me to consistently get a completely dark room.

• Sleeping in a cool room. This can be challenging at home and that is the reason I have a Chili Pad on my side of the bed so I can keep the bed cool.

• I tape my mouth shut at night to force me to breathe through my nose. Hence the reason I shaved off my moustache and goatee in the spring of 2020.

• I avoid bright light, especially bright overhead light, for the last 60 to 90 minutes before I go to bed and get as much bright light exposure as possible in the first two hours after getting up. Light is the primary regulator of our circadian rhythms.

Two Key Questions

Keep the questions “What’s Important Now?” and “Where might the smallest change make the biggest difference?” at the front of mind. What’s Important Now? will help you make decisions in the moment to keep you consistent with your identity and help you to make “like me” choices. It will also help you to get back on track when you make choices that “Are not like me.” The other question reminds you to start small and make small changes that give you the greatest return on the investment.

Make it easier for yourself.

Over the years I have developed strategies and systems to make it easier for me to be consistent with my “like me” behaviors, especially when I am on the road. 

• I travel with resistance bands so that regardless of the quality of the fitness room at the hotel, or the hours, I can always get in a quality workout in my hotel room.

• At home we only have healthy food in the house. My wife does not follow the same eating strategies as I do, but she eats very healthy.

• I only have healthy food in my hotel room. I travel with protein powder, healthy bars, and grass-fed beef sticks. When travelling I make a run to Walmart Supercenter the morning after arriving at my destination to get Wholly Avocado 100% Chunky Avocado Minis, cheese, apple cider vinegar, packages of wild caught salmon, spinach, and extra virgin olive oil. Depending on the breakfast situation at the hotel I may also get packages of hard-boiled eggs. If I have a kitchen in the hotel room with a two-burner stove, I will also get organic free-range eggs and grass-fed beef for my breakfasts.

• I take a mid-morning snack and my lunch every day that I teach. It is easier to control what I eat and stay consistent with eating that is “like me”.

• If I am eating in a restaurant, I will tell the server to skip the bread. I love bread and can easily eat an entire basket of warm bread, but it is “like me” to control cards, so I skip the bread.

• I now only have a glass of wine when I go out to eat. I hate to open a bottle of good red wine, only have one glass, and let the rest go bad. So, instead of having the open bottle of wine calling my name every night, I only have a glass of wine when I go out to eat, which is only occasionally, even on the road.

Other Helpful Strategies

Be patient with yourself. Building new habits and behavior rituals takes time. Some days will be easier than others. Remember to Embrace the Struggle, Embrace the Suck, Look for the Learning, Look for the Good as you Dare to Be Great. When it comes to health and wellness think long term; think Infinite Game.

Allow yourself to be human and have some self-compassion. One bad meal is not going to kill you. One missed workout will not cause you to be unfit. Simply get back on track.

It is helpful to create systems, rituals, and habits around your “like me” behaviors. Rituals are non-negotiable, important to you, and built to support your identity. Ensure those rituals include rest and recovery. Read James Clear’s book Atomic Habits for ideas on building habits.

Get an accountability partner. I am not a fan of public pronouncement of our goals, but I am a fan of accountability partners to help keep you on track.

What’s Important Now? Start where you are at. Start now. Strive for small incremental daily improvements.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: When all is said and done.

I have the privilege of teaching a 4-hour Dare to Be Great leadership workshop and an 8-hour Excellence in Training workshop at the National Tactical Officers Association (NTOA) conference this week in Milwaukee. I always come to the conference early so I can attend a few of the classes and debriefs and I always attend the opening ceremonies as they have a great speaker every year. This year’s Opening Ceremonies speaker was Rob Weinhold. He closed his presentation with the following quote: “When all is said and done, what do you want to have said and done?”

Reflect on that for a moment, “When all is said and done, what do you want to have said and done?” The power of this for me is that it forces me to reflect on the end of my career and the end of life, whenever that may come. When that time comes and you reflect on your life, what do you want to have said and done? Are you going to be reflecting on all the coulda, woulda, and shouldas or are you going to be at peace with what you have said and done?

Reflecting on this question will provide some clarity on where you are going and the use of Life’s Most Powerful Question – What’s Important Now? will serve as a guide along the journey from where you are to where you are going. That journey ideally will be about living a life of significance, and not one of trying to live up to other people’s definition of “success”. It will be about impact. It will be about punching mediocrity in the mouth and striving for excellence. It will be about learning and growth. It will be about doing what is right when it is not what’s popular, easy, or expedient. It will be about Embracing the Struggle, Embracing the Suck, Looking for the Learning, Looking for the Good and Daring to Be Great. It is about being true to your values and principles.

This is why former NFL player and author of InsideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives Joe Ehrmann used to have all the seniors on the high school football team he coached write an essay at the end of the year on, “How I want to be remembered when I die.” After going through the exercise of reflection and writing each of them then read that essay to the entire team, and later to the entire school assembly, to create accountability partners as they navigate the challenges of life.

What’s Important Now? When all is said and done, what do you want to have said and done? Live accordingly.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: We can make our lives sublime.

In a recent newsletter Austin Kleon mentioned the below poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I do not read a lot of poetry and was intrigued so I looked up the poem. I have read it and reflected on it several times over the past few weeks. I believe there is a powerful message in the words and wanted to share it with you. I will not comment further on it other than to encourage you to take the time to read it several times and reflect on what meaning and inspiration you take from it.

A Psalm of Life 

What The Heart Of The Young Man Said To The Psalmist.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

Is our destined end or way;

But to act, that each tomorrow

Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

And our hearts, though stout and brave,

Still, like muffled drums, are beating

Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

Be a hero in the strife! 

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act,— act in the living Present!

Heart within, and God o’erhead! 

Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sands of time; 

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again, 

Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait.

What’s Important Now? We can make our lives sublime.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Those freedoms would all be for naught, if it was not for…..

It is common for people to thank the men and women of our militaries for their service and for the sacrifices they are willing to make to ensure we enjoy the freedoms we do in Canada and the US. Their willingness to serve their countries, to go abroad and fight to ensure certain evil does not come to our shores, and to ensure that we continue to enjoy the freedoms we too often take for granted, needs to be acknowledged.

Those sacrifices and freedoms, however, would all be for naught if it was not for the heroic men and women of law enforcement who are willing to serve and sacrifice in our own communities to ensure we can continue to enjoy those freedoms. For the skeptics you need to look no further than the CHOP / CHAZ zone is Seattle in June 2020 and the level of violence including shootings, robberies, sexual assaults, etc. that quickly became an issue in the small “police free” zone. You can also look at the rise in violent crime experienced by cities who embraced the “defund the police” movement and decimated their police departments over the past few years.

The other reality is that despite the best efforts of our militaries, the evil they confront abroad does come to our shores and when it does we rely on the men and women of law enforcement to respond and face that evil head on.

It is appropriate to continue to show love, support, and appreciation for the Away Team (our military). We also need to ensure we show love, support, and appreciation for the Home Team (law enforcement). Neither team is perfect. Both are both are made up of human beings doing the best they can in a volatile, uncertain, chaotic, complex, and ambiguous world.

Take time to reflect on what your life would be like without these two groups of heroic men and women. If those images scare you, and they should, then be intentional about showing your support for both the Home and Away teams.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Stay out of the cheap seats.

“There are a million cheap seats in the world today, filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those of us who are trying to dare greatly.”

Brene Brown

Social media provides endless access to the cheap seats Brene Brown referenced in the above quote and endless opportunities for people in the cheap seats to “hurl advice and judgement” at others.

It is easy to be the critic. It is easy to be the opposition. It is easy to sling mud. It is easy to bask in the glow of hindsight bias and talk about what someone should have done. It is easy to spin the lie, “If I was there, I would have ………….”.

Stop.

We would all benefit from spending less time on social media worrying about what other people did or are doing and spend more time in self-reflection looking at our own lives and determining what we can do better.

We would all benefit from taking our own advice and not worrying about other people.

What’s Important Now? Stay out of the cheap seats. Focus on what you control, which is you, and control the controllable. Do the work every day to make yourself a little better than you were the day before.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Learn to be indifferent.

“Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference.”

Marcus Aurelius

Jumping on every bandwagon seems to be a new sport these days fueled by the endless social media commentaries. As former Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius apparently stated, “Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference.”

Some people have developed the ability to choose their battles, while others just seem to like find battles to jump in on or start.

If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority. After a while people will simply see you as the boy or girl who cries wolf all the time and will tune you out if the topic is important.

Learn to pause before you speak or leap. Ask yourself, “Is this really important?” “Is this worth commenting on?”, “Is this worth fighting over?” If it is, then stand up and speak up. If it is not, then sit down, be quiet and move on.

Sometimes you just need to heed the lesson from your dog and kick some grass over that shit and move on.

What’s Important Now? Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: You can, but you don’t have to.

You don’t have to comment on every social media post you read.

You don’t have to buy into other people’s definition of success.

You don’t have to play the blame game.

You don’t have to eat the whole bag of cookies just because you ate one or two.

You don’t have to keep reading that book if you are not enjoying it or finding value in it.

You don’t have to always try to solve the other person’s problem.

You don’t have to post selfies of every workout.

You don’t have to try and be an expert on every topic.

You don’t have to try to outdo other people’s stories.

You don’t have to post a selfie with the audience in the background from every presentation you do.

You don’t have to believe everything you read.

You don’t have to put others down to build yourself up.

You don’t have to hold on to resentment and anger.

You don’t have to be up on the latest on every new Netflix or Amazon Prime show. (It is ok to spend your spare time reading.)

You don’t have to be on every new social media just because “everyone else is”.

You don’t have to seek promotion because other people think you should.

You don’t have to jump on the latest fitness craze or fad diet.

You don’t have to force your kids to go to college or university so they can be “successful”. There are great opportunities in the trades and simply going out and getting a job and gaining experience in the working world.

You don’t have to work 80-hour weeks to prove you are dedicated to the job.

You don’t have to go for beers after work to prove you are a “team player”.  

You can, but you don’t have to.

What’s Important Now? Focus on what you can do, what you want to do, and what’s the right thing to do, not what other people think you should do.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: Your actions today will echo beyond your time.

In the Dare to Be Great leadership workshops I facilitate we discuss the concept of Be a Good Ancestorfrom the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team, as chronicled in the book Legacy: 15 Lessons in Leadership by James Kerr. The last lines of the quote I share are, “Our actions today will echo beyond our time. They are our legacy.”

The following quote from Dr. Andrew Huberman, a professor of Neurobiology and Ophthalmology at the Stanford School of Medicine and the host of the hugely popular Huberman Lab podcast, reinforces the message from the All Blacks regarding being a Good Ancestor.

“A lot of people get snagged on thoughts & feelings in their mind. It weighs them down. Remember: your nervous system, indeed you, leave no fossil record except your speech and actions. Thoughts & feelings matter (to varying degrees) but actions are your only legacy.”

Dr. Andrew Huberman

There are a lot of people “talking” on social media. Some are actively self-promoting, and some are actively running down and criticizing others, often to promote their ideas, programs and philosophies.

“Worry not who knows of you; seek to be worth knowing.”

Confucius

Instead of putting your efforts into endless self-promotion, put them into being worth knowing. Put them into learning, growing and the endless journey of small, incremental, daily improvements.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

Instead of being the critic, seek to be the “Man (or woman) in the Arena” that Theodore Roosevelt wrote about. Let your actions speak for themselves. Let your actions be your legacy.

What’s Important Now? Your actions today will echo beyond your time. They are your legacy. Act accordingly.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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W.I.N. Wednesday: It would be easy to believe I am a failure if……..

It would be easy to believe I am a failure if I get caught up in the comparison game.

It would be easy to believe I am a failure if I get sucked into using other people’s definition of success.

It would be easy to believe I am a failure if I listened to those who say to be successful you need to have a university degree. Or those who suggest that to truly be successful an Associate or Bachelors degree is not enough, you need a Masters Degree or those who suggest that to be really successful you need a PhD.

It would be easy to believe that I am a failure if I listened to those who measure success by the rank, position, or title you achieve in your organization.

It would be easy to believe that I am a failure if I listened to those who measure success by the size of your home or how much money you make every year.

It would be easy to believe I am a failure because I do not speak to packed auditoriums with thousands of people in attendance like the “big name successful speakers”.

It would be easy to believe I am a failure because none of the five books we published became “Best Sellers”.

It would be easy to believe that I am a failure if I listened to those who suggest that to be successful as an entrepreneur you need to grow your company to over a million dollars a year in revenue and continually grow the number of employees.

It would be easy to believe I am a failure if I get caught up in the comparison game and get sucked into using other people’s definition of success.

It would be easy, but it would not be helpful. Fortunately, I have learned over the years to avoid those traps and false measures of success.

What’s Important Now? Avoid the lure and the trap of comparison and others definition of success.

Take care.

Brian Willis

www.lifesmostpowerfulquestion.com. 

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